Our Dreams at Dusk
Yuhki Kamatani
CW: suicide mention
Being gay isn’t a crime in Japan. But it also isn’t easy as largely held cultural systems discriminate, mock, and alienate gay folks. Beliefs are changing, but not as quickly as one might hope and high schoolers can be cruel…
In this contemporary manga Tasuku Kaname may have just been outed at school, thanks to forgetting to clear his browser history and a nosey friend with a big mouth. On the verge of killing himself, Tasuku meets a mysterious woman who leads him to a group of people at a local Drop-In center that are dealing with similar problems. Slowly Tasuku becomes a part of the group, and learns that he isn’t alone.
There isn’t a big positive message here, and I think that’s okay. The “it gets better” movement shows the After, not the During. Our Dreams at Dusk shows the during, and the hurt both internal and external that Tasuku experiences at the hands of himself and his peers.
The Drop-in Center doesn’t function as a clinic or a therapy group, but as a community center. Something that is even more important. It gives connection to Tasuku, and the other members too.
This first manga tactfully explores Tasuku’s inner struggles, as well as some other character’s lives from the Center. There are many stages of being Out to people, and many ways people feel about it. Kamatani does a great job at centering those scenes on how Tasuku and other LGBT characters feel.
Someone-san is not the epitome of being a responsible adult, and her taciturn approach to “helping” Tasuku comes more in the form of her claiming she won’t listen to what he has to say. So Tasuku gets the benefit of telling someone his secret while knowing Someone-san won’t do anything with it since she isn’t listening. I can’t think of a more roundabout and distancing way to help someone, but because this is a manga, it works and I expect such abstract things.
Without spoiling it, the ending is a moment of vindication and relief more than joy. I’m proud of Tasuku actually. I know future volumes of this work won’t necessarily be lighter than this first volume, but I think they’ll offer the kind of solace someone struggling with accepting their identity might need.
Of the few other explicitly LGBT themed mangas I’ve read, I think I still prefer That Blue Sky Feeling since it is much lighter than Our Dreams at Dusk. Both are important though. For someone looking for something with a lesbian coming to terms with her identity, I recommend checking out Kase-san and… It’s a really sweet series that doesn’t need to be read in order, but I think it adds extra flavor if you do.
Overall, I think I’ll keep this manga in my YA collection, and the right reader will probably find it. It’s definitely heavy, but in some ways, I think that might make it more relateable. This manga isn’t for everyone, and I’d definitely recommend it for readers 13+, just because of the suicidal portion. I will probably also be including a small resource guide in the back for kids who do read it and want to reach out to someone.
The Little Book Witch 